Danielle's Journal

Tired of the typical....waiting on the wonderful...

(no subject)
Why should anyone care about how I feel?
You're right, I don't deserve it! It's no big deal
Why don't I just lock myself in a room,
Turn off the lights and rot away in this gloom?
Would anyone realize that I'm not there?
Even if they noticed, would they even care?
Probably it's because I hate myself so bad
Maybe I just make everyone around me sad
Maybe that's why they don't care about my feelings
They don't want to know how awfully I'm bleeding
My wounds, bruises and scars won't heal
I want to tell them, but I keep my lips sealed
I guess I'll take the option of rotting away
Death will be the only price I'll have to pay
And guess what? That's okay!

(no subject)
You can't feel my pain,
I don't want to explain,
You don't know how I feel,
Its something I don't want to reveal.

You don't know why,
But all I do is cry,
You don't know what's wrong,
I've known all along.

You think that I will get stronger,
I can't go on like this any longer,
You tell me all I do is moan,
But I can't make it on my own.

You wouldn't know what to do,
If I told it all to you,
You couldn't help me if you tried,
It's the way I feel inside.

You don't even know,
That I've sunk so low,
I dream of the day I die,
I can't wait to end this lie.

You haven't seen the cuts I make,
These remind me I am a mistake,
You never care,
So, I'm ending this nightmare.

I know your not gonna cry,
So I won't say Goodbye,
The gun is to my messed up head,
In a second I will be dead.

(no subject)
I have a friend
Who is perfect for me
She listens to all my problems
No matter how dumb they may be

She likes herself for who she is
And never tries to change
She tells me to be myself
And that i should never change

She was shy on the phone
But she would still call
And we would talk for hours
About nothing at all

We would talk about love and life
And discuss what we wanted to be
She knew just how i felt
And how happy i could be

She listens to me patiently
But never judges what i do or say
She helped with all my problems
And never went away

I never once felt judged by her
How much that meant to me
That i could tell her all my dreams
And she would listen to me

My friend never goes and tells
What is dear to me
She keeps it all bottled up inside
And doesn't spread it like a bee

I am thankful for that friend of mine
Our friendship will never end
And she will always be there
For she is my best friend

I updated finally......
SOOO....where do I begin...hmm...well last summer is when I decided to move back to Mass. I spent the summer up there in Mansfield with some friends and I knew that's where I wanted to be and felt the happiest. My friends up there are basically all I have that I know care about me, besides my grandmother down here in SC. SOO...I bought a ticket and moved up right after Christmas. Started talking to this girl last summer while I was there....and continued to just about every day until I moved back up there. Unfortunately as it turns out whatever we had...some may say relationship, some say fuck buddys, and some say just friends...was based on lies. So needless to say that ended very very badly and hurt me and continues to every day real bad. I feel like I did everything but give her the moon. But I guess things go the way they are supposed to and there's nothing you can change about it. It still sucks really bad...I was a dumbass to think that she actually cared about me, but I had to hear the truth from her ex and her new "girlfriend". THAT was fun. Sooo....at the time...she was a big plus to me moving back...and I started off a little rocky at first, but near the end right before I came back to SC everything was going real good as far as me getting an apartment and working. I got offered this job as a sales rep. in Danvers Mass...it was a long process but they loved me. So, I was hired...but working for them I was basically breaking even at the end of the week by me not having a car. That's why I came back to SC for a few months. I started not to....and was just going to tuff it out with my other jobs...b/c of the girl...but as it turns out she had well already moved on as soon as I left from visiting her back in Jan...and i didnt find this out until just recently(sweet, considerate women i meet huh? ...geesh...) So Im back in SC...just for a short while until I buy a new car...and I'm looking for apts. in Rhode Island...and hopefully starting school somewhere around there in the fall. What SUCKS is...just a week ago...my work called...which i thought I was going to get bitched out for quitting not even a month after they hired me...but no...the manager of all the buildings..well just in mass. called wanting to know if i'd be willing to work as a receptionist for 13.50.....full time... and i know that's not a lot...but it is considering its a receptionist job and i have no experience and only have been to college 1yr. Plus I would be saving a lot of money and wouldnt have to be travelling around everywhere making meetings with people and what not i'd just be at the office all day. And I have no problems with that. So I told them I was taking care of bus. in SC and i'll be back in Aug. and he said that I did such a good job working for them and all that he'd be more than willing to help me find a job w/ the company when I move back & to save the number. :) So that was good to hear.

Riiight now I'm working part time as a waitress down in SC...and do retail at aeropostle...and I dance every other weekend at this club...which I dont talk about much nor will I say which club it is...that could be dangerous...but anyway..i'm managing alright...and soon i'll have a car & be sooo happy...b/c the one I had is a piece of shit!
I have been going to the beach an awful lot lately...no complaints there. I usually go every free chance I get, I <3 the beach... if a friend of mine helps me get this secretary job down there Im thinking about just moving there for the rest of my time down here...I think it will be great...plus this is the busy season for myrtle.

But anywhoo...that's it for the most part right now...

"Never let it go...to your heart.
Never let it go...that far."

Summer time and the wind is blowing and I dont know what I'm doing in this city. The sun is always in my eyes. It crashed through the windows, and I'm sleeping on the couch. When I came to visit you thats when I knew I could never have you I knew that before you did. Still I'm feeling stupid. And theres this burning like theres always been.
I've never been so alone And I've never felt so alive
And you dont mind, You smile and say the world doesnt fit with you, I dont believe you. You're so serene, careening through the universe. Your axis on a tilt, Guiltless and free. I hope you take a piece of me with you. And theres things I'd like to do that you dont believe in, I would like to build something. You know its never going to happen. Where's the soul I want to know, the surface is everything. But I could never do that, Someone would see through that.
I go home to the coast
It starts to rain, I paddle out on the water alone.
Taste the salt and taste the pain.
Summer dies and swells rise.
The sun goes down in my eyes.
See this rolling wave, darkly coming to take me home.
And I've never been so alone.
And I've never been so alive.

I was walking home from school on a cold winter day
Took a shortcut through the woods, and I lost my way
It was getting late, and I was scared and alone
But then a kind old man took my hand and led me home
Mama couldn't see him, oh but he was standing there
And I knew in my heart, he was the answer to my prayers

Oh I believe there are angels among us
Sent down to us from somewhere up above
They come to you and me in our darkest hours
To show us how to live, to teach us how to give
To guide us with the light of love

When life held troubled times, and had me down on my knees
There's always been someone to come along and comfort me
A kind word from a stranger, to lend a helping hand
A phone call from a friend, just to say I understand
And ain't it kind of funny at the dark end of the road
That someone lights the way with just a single ray of hope


They wear so many faces, show up in the strangest places
To grace us with their mercy, in our time of need


To guide us with a light of love

(no subject)
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<<<<<<<<<<Too beautiful to die. Too wild to live.>>>>>>>>>>

<<<<<<<<<<<<<Cause everyone sees the beauty. But no one sees the pain.>>>>>>>>>>>>>

I'm so confused/sad...don't ask why, I couldn't tell you even if I wanted to.
Dear book, this is another day in my life. A life is like a book. A book is like a box. A box has six sides. Inside and outside, so, how do you get to what's inside? How do you get what's inside, out? Once upon a time, there lived a very pretty girl, who lived in a beautiful box, and everybody loved her.
Life and death, energy and peace. If I stop today it was still worth it. Even the terrible mistakes that I made and would have unmade if I could. The pains that have burned me and scarred my soul, it was worth it, for having been allowed to walk where I've walked, which was to hell on earth, heaven on earth, back again, into, under, far in between, through it, and above.

*This is life, not heaven. You don't have to be perfect...

"Are you nervous?"
"Am I making you nervous?"
"Well, good, that's the idea. You scare the shit out of people so they can't see how scared you are."

"You look so pretty."
-Thank you.
"I love you."
-I know, you love everyone.

*She hated to be photographed. You had to run after her and tie her down. And you had to get past all the junk in her hair. But she was special.

"Where are you going?"
-You don't have any clothes on.
"Don't change the subject."

*You were the one, the only one, and you were amazing.

"I'd tell them that you don't have to be anybody. Because I know that being somebody doesn't make you anybody anyway."

"I did one line! ONE lousy line, and that's it."
-What about yesterday? And the day before, and the day before that?
-I don't believe you.

**GOD, look at the tracks on her arms....

I'm a fucking model

To whoever reads
Don’t ride your bike off a ramp that’s more than three bricks high.
Don’t take that candy from the store if you ain’t got the dime.
Don’t pick a fight with a little guy that doesn’t talk that much.
Don’t pick up a cherrybomb thinkin’ it’s a dud.
And don’t sneak out of a 2 story house usin’ bed sheets as a rope.

Don’t ask me how I know...

Sell your car while it’s still runnin’, save the Jesus off the dash.
Say a prayer when you feel like cussin’, save your money pay with cash.
Forget your pride, buy the roses, if you’re sorry tell her so.
Don’t drink the water in Mexico!

Don’t ask me how I know...

Don’t quit your high school soccer team halfway through the season.
Don’t bust your friend in the nose when you know he didn’t mean it.
Don’t lose a guy you love at home for a night in Panama City.
Don’t rush off the phone when your Mamma calls, you ain’t that busy.
Ya oughta make that drive to say goodbye to your grandpa before he goes...

Don’t ask me how I know...

Forget your pride buy the roses, if you love her tell her so.
Don’t go to Vegas with your heart broke.
Don’t bum your cousin for that first smoke.
I'm tellin' ya, don't drink the water in Mexico!
Don't ask me how I know...
Don't ask me how I know...
I just know !!!

Sell your truck while it's still runnin', say a prayer when you feel like cussin'...
I know...

Just trust me, I know...

Raymond's in his Sunday best,
He's usually up to his chest in oil an' grease.
There's the Martin's walkin' in,
With that mean little freckle-faced kid,
Who broke a window last week.
Sweet Miss Betty likes to sing off key in the pew behind me.

That's what I love about Sunday:
Sing along as the choir sways;
Every verse of Amazin' Grace,
An' then we shake the Preacher's hand.
Go home, into your blue jeans;
Have some chicken an' some baked beans.
Pick a back yard football team,
Nothin' much of anything:
That's what I love about Sunday.

I stroll to the end of the drive,
Pick up the Sunday Times, grab my coffee cup.
It looks like Sally an' Ron, finally tied the knot,
Well, it's about time.
It's 35 cents off a ground round,
Baby. cut that coupon out!

That's what I love about Sunday:
Cat-napping on the porch swing;
You curled up next to me,
The smell of jasmine wakes us up.
Take a walk down a back road,
Tackle box and a cane pole;
Carve our names in that white oak,
An' steal a kiss as the sun fades,
That's what I love about Sunday,
Oh, yeah.

Ooh, new believers gettin' baptized,
Momma's hands raised up high,
Havin' a Hallelujah good time
A smile on everybody's face.
That's what I love about Sunday,
Oh, yeah.

That's what I love about Sunday,
Oh, yeah.


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